Happy birthday! Want to feel young and thin again? Let’s go hang out with a bunch of old and fat people.
Happy birthday! This is the oldest I’ve ever seen you. Just wait until next year.
Happy birthday! May you live to be so old, people start wondering if you’re the walking dead.
Happy birthday! May the number of candles outnumber your gray hairs.
Happy birthday! Let’s go see Jurassic World. It’ll make you feel less like a dinosaur.
Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the anniversary of your clever escape from the womb.
Happy birthday! I’m just here for some cake.
Happy birthday! Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell anyone how old you really are.
Happy birthday! Don’t let a 27-year old Olympic gold medal winner make you feel like a failure on your birthday.
Happy birthday! Congrats on reaching an age that makes your receding hairline seem appropriate.
Happy birthday weekend! You’re so lucky that you don’t have to endure an office birthday party.
Happy birthday to you – and your newest chin.
Happy birthday to the one person whose agelessness is incredibly irritating.
Happy birthday to the one person I hope is still around when the iPhone 547 comes out.
Happy birthday to someone who’s age has finally surpassed their number of Twitter followers.
Happy birthday to someone who thought they would have it all together by the time they reached this age.
Happy birthday to someone who is old enough to have had a Blockbuster card.
Happy birthday to someone who is now taking drugs on their birthday for serious medical reasons.
Young man, sometimes you need to lay your armors down and have fun. Wonderful birthday!
Young man, some day you will make things happen, I am sure of that. Wonderful bday to you!
