Happy birthday! Don’t let a 27-year old Olympic gold medal winner make you feel like a failure on your birthday.
Happy birthday! Congrats on reaching an age that makes your receding hairline seem appropriate.
Happy birthday weekend! You’re so lucky that you don’t have to endure an office birthday party.
Happy birthday to you – and your newest chin.
Happy birthday to the one person whose agelessness is incredibly irritating.
Happy birthday to the one person I hope is still around when the iPhone 547 comes out.
Happy birthday to someone who’s age has finally surpassed their number of Twitter followers.
Happy birthday to someone who thought they would have it all together by the time they reached this age.
Happy birthday to someone who is old enough to have had a Blockbuster card.
Happy birthday to someone who is now taking drugs on their birthday for serious medical reasons.
Happy birthday to someone who is almost old enough to die from the flu.
Happy birthday to someone who has attended more birthday parties for kids than adults this year.
Happy birthday to someone we’ll never have to say “died too young
Happy birthday to someone I truly hope is not having a mid-life crisis.
Happy birthday to someone I hope realizes is way too old to go snowboarding or surfing.
Happy birthday to a person whose age now makes them cry even more than the day they came into this world.
Happy birthday to a person so old, they use their smartphone to make an actual phone call.
Happy birthday and congratulations on becoming that “old, weird” person at summer music festivals.
Happy belated birthday! I didn’t forget your birthday – I just forgot yesterday’s date!
Forgetting your birthday was merely an April Fool’s Joke. Unless, of course, I did remember it, in which case – please disregard this message. Happy birthday!
Congratulations! You only look one year older than you did on your last birthday.
Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.
Congrats – you’re officially too old to go to rock concerts. Happy birthday!
