Now you know you’re getting old when you can’t even remember how old you are. Happy birthday!
May you live long enough to be the direct cause of a Silver Alert. Happy birthday!
Look, if you want me to remember your birthday, you’re going to have to start looking older. Happy birthday!
It’s your birthday – let’s over-celebrate!
It’s a special day – your birthday! Let’s go out and celebrate you being one year closer to removing your age from your Facebook profile.
I’m so sorry for sending you belated birthday wishes. Honestly, I didn’t think you would live this long. Happy birthday!
I would be so much more into your birthday if it were my birthday.
I wish you a very happy birthday! Just please remember to tell me how old you’re pretending to be, so we can keep up the charade.
Here’s to you on your birthday! May you live to be so old, you sincerely wish you were dead.
Here’s a special birthday! May you get so intoxicated, you forget how old you’re getting.
Happy birthday. It’s official – you can now begin your quarter-life crisis.
Happy birthday. I’m so sorry you’ve reached an age where pop culture marketers are no longer targeting you.
Happy birthday. By the time you reach the next “new 40”, you’ll already be dead.
Happy birthday!! You only look as old as the last selfie you took.
Happy birthday! You’re how old? Oh man – that’s like, dead in dog years.
Happy birthday! You know you’re old when the candles start costing more than the cake.
Happy birthday! We’re so glad we can count you among the living for another year.
Happy birthday! Want to feel young and thin again? Let’s go hang out with a bunch of old and fat people.
Happy birthday! This is the oldest I’ve ever seen you. Just wait until next year.
Happy birthday! May you live to be so old, people start wondering if you’re the walking dead.
Happy birthday! May the number of candles outnumber your gray hairs.
Happy birthday! Let’s go see Jurassic World. It’ll make you feel less like a dinosaur.
Happy birthday! Let’s celebrate the anniversary of your clever escape from the womb.
Happy birthday! I’m just here for some cake.
Happy birthday! Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. I won’t tell anyone how old you really are.
Happy birthday! Don’t let a 27-year old Olympic gold medal winner make you feel like a failure on your birthday.
Happy birthday! Congrats on reaching an age that makes your receding hairline seem appropriate.
Happy birthday weekend! You’re so lucky that you don’t have to endure an office birthday party.
Happy birthday to you – and your newest chin.
Happy birthday to the one person whose agelessness is incredibly irritating.
Happy birthday to the one person I hope is still around when the iPhone 547 comes out.
Happy birthday to someone who’s age has finally surpassed their number of Twitter followers.
Happy birthday to someone who thought they would have it all together by the time they reached this age.
Happy birthday to someone who is old enough to have had a Blockbuster card.
Happy birthday to someone who is now taking drugs on their birthday for serious medical reasons.
Happy birthday to someone who is almost old enough to die from the flu.
Happy birthday to someone who has attended more birthday parties for kids than adults this year.
Happy birthday to someone we’ll never have to say “died too young
Happy birthday to someone I truly hope is not having a mid-life crisis.
Happy birthday to someone I hope realizes is way too old to go snowboarding or surfing.
Happy birthday to a person whose age now makes them cry even more than the day they came into this world.
Happy birthday to a person so old, they use their smartphone to make an actual phone call.
Happy birthday and congratulations on becoming that “old, weird” person at summer music festivals.
Happy belated birthday! I didn’t forget your birthday – I just forgot yesterday’s date!
Forgetting your birthday was merely an April Fool’s Joke. Unless, of course, I did remember it, in which case – please disregard this message. Happy birthday!
Congratulations! You only look one year older than you did on your last birthday.
Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.
Congrats – you’re officially too old to go to rock concerts. Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday dear, it is an awesome day for a little young man. I hope you enjoy yourself dear. Millions of kisses to you!
Have a beautiful birthday. This is an amazing day and I hope it brings you joy and cheer. You are an amazing young man.